Post-thyroid Munira

It is exactly two weeks since my thyroidectomy, and I just finished happily watching the two and only seasons of An Astrological Guide for Broken Hearts. Dil khush kar ditta, as an old crush from my college days would say, every romantic nerve in my body all a-tingle. Well, at least some things are still functioning like pre-thyroidectomy Munira.

Nights haven’t been the best over the last two weeks, firstly because of neck discomfort and an inability to find an optimal position conducive to restful sleep. But for the last couple of days, it’s been an inopportune bout of the flu. There’s something quite nice about the initial onset of a fever though that I can’t quite explain, that halka halka suroor before the headache, the bodyache, and general feeling of malaise set in. The worst though are the little spiky gremlins that show up without fail as I hit the sack, to take up seats in the mucosa of my upper trachea, creating a great longing to cough the most violent cough that could be coughed, and the gremlins get dislodged temporarily only to come back and resettle with fiercer determination. Even a tsp of ginger honey did nothing to soothe, and it was all I could do to maintain a cough-less state of equilibrium so I wouldn’t cause any more damage than had already been done.

I don’t want to dwell on anything regarding the situation I find myself in now, this weird thyroid-less limbo. The post-op biopsy report is a good one in the surgeon’s opinion and he doesn’t seem to think I need radioactive iodine (RAI) ablation. This procedure basically obliterates all remnants of thyroid tissue that may have been missed, thereby reducing the chances of errant thyroid cells making their way into other areas and creating potential problems. We were asked to get an opinion from a nuclear physician too though, just to get some clarity.

According to the nuclear physician, if my nodule had been 1 cm or less I wouldn’t need RAI. On the other hand, if it had been 2 cm or more I would definitely need RAI. Mine was 1.5 cm, which puts me in a gray area.

Being hyper aware of the kind of unpleasant effects RAI has on my salivary glands and heaven knows what other glands, I am extremely squeamish about this hurdle in my path. (Hurdles in the path ARE the path, says someone wise) I remind myself I’ve been through a lot worse by now, and my big girl panties are hitched up so high they’ll give me a wedgie if I pull them any further. One more blood test in about 8 days will determine not only my TSH and thyroglobulin levels, but also the necessity of RAI, therefore I have a little breathing space until ……I don’t know.

What should I expect as to the ways I can fall apart? It all remains to be seen, and I’ll be watching out for signs…

I’d much rather talk about the very palpable outpouring of love I experienced as soon as word got around about what I was going through. Loving, heartfelt messages from friends and family, so much kindness and concern and support from far off ones, the prayers and duas, the food that was cooked by some very unexpected mother hens with love and sent over, the soups and juices my sisters made, the daily check-ins by someone or the other…..all of these made me feel so loved, so like I belonged, that I meant something, and if this kind of love isn’t unconditional, what is? I was even the recipient of a whatsapp prayer chain for the first time ever in my life. I had the strongest feeling that it was the combined energy of the collective that lifted me up and out of harm’s way, that kept me safe and cared for at the most vulnerable moments of my life.

And much though as I reveled in this unfathomable sea of goodwill, a very strange feeling of unworthiness also crept in. What did I do to deserve such love?

I am aware of how good it feels to give, and I am also aware of how good it feels to be received. So now that I was on the receiving end, I had to learn to accept with grace all that I was receiving. I think at some point I began to feel overwhelmed and anxious about how I would ever repay all the kindness with my current energetic limitations.

I decided to let go of these useless burdens and just feel very very grateful instead. Gratitude is such a heart-based response, I figure that if I felt it then everyone felt it too, and that is all that is required. I am grateful too, for all who read my words and come along on the journey and feel my feelings and empathize. You are my tribe, and I love you and value your presence here. Thank you so much.

I just drew my curtain aside to look out the window at the sky and saw such a wondrous cloudscape, with iridescent spots of pink and swirly blue. Dragonflies are flying around everywhere…….how very symbolic.

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10 Comments

    1. Munira says:

      I made peach-cucumber-ginger-mint juice today and felt so healthy drinking it 😊💕

      Like

  1. auntyuta says:

    ❣🌹🍀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Munira says:

      💕😊

      Like

  2. Anonymous says:

    Omg I hope you feel better asap!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Take care and I hope to come back and read about how well you are doing. Everything will be fine! All the best!

    Like

    1. Munira says:

      Thank you so much!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sakina hussain says:

    Amazing expression of thoughts, feelings and actions as always. Loved reading it . 😘

    Like

    1. Munira says:

      Thanks sax! 😊💕

      Like

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